I started this month slicing about a car accident I was in (my first). I had high hopes that the rest of the month would go as planned- or at least be more positive than that very first day, but, alas, it has not.
This month has been bizarre, to say the least. I am not happy with the way the last half of the month turned out, and I know many of you share my sentiments.
Sometimes I feel a bit….wishy washy when I write. Yesterday was about how we would be victorious. Other posts were about how hopeless and helpless I feel. This month has proven that it is OK to be all of those things and whatever else- nothing is off limits. Today, upon hearing the actual, official news that we all knew was coming- we are closed thru april 30th (and probably beyond)- I slumped back down into my “sorry-for-myself” hole. I don’t like being away from my students or my boyfriend or my people. I don’t like being stuck in my house all day. I don’t like that before all of this, I thought I was an introvert and it turns out- I get more energy from people and places than I thought. I’m not happy. I’m sad. And I’m hurting. And I’m thankful that my loved ones are safe. And I’m grateful to still have income and access to groceries and necessities. I feel like the main character of “My Many Colored Days” – when he’s all mixed up. The entirety of this month has felt like being trapped in a radiohead song.
“Your services are not required,
Your future’s bleak,
You’re so last week,”
Pretty much sums up how I feel about teaching digitally to seven year olds and their already overwhelmed parents. I know that we will emerge from this stronger, better, and more together than ever, but I also know that right now, it’s okay for it to suck and be sad.
I won’t end my month with pithy Thom Yorke lyrics, though. I would like to sincerely thank each of you for your vulnerability and your sweetness. Your positivity and your honesty. Your community and your comments and the human connections we made even in this isolating and scary time. Thank you for another meaningful, momentous, monumental, (and at times monstrous), March.